Evaluation- Little Women

  Candidate Declaration - I confirm that the attached portfolio is all my own work and does not include any work completed by anyone other than myself.

 Throughout the duration of my acting career whilst on this course- spanning an entire academic year- I have developed into a rough outline of a professional actor skill wise; from the project proposal to the project's end, I have immersed myself fully within the depth of this piece and have used this final performance as a combination of all the skills I have been privileged enough to learn and grow throughout the course thus far- Beth March has acted as an outlet for every single technique and lesson I have learnt this year within an emotionally and literacy form, which I feel is a true staple in my journey through this year's course. With this role, there has been numerous hurdles to triumph over at every step through the show's progression, some familiar points of progression, yet some newer challenges which emerged alongside them; when first pitched this project by our tutor, I faced an issue of disconnect with the product, which caused a deep mental conflict when initially deciding on to commit to this project as my main focus for this term- I struggled to see myself portray a character within this classical narrative tale: however I feel this actually enhanced my drive towards this piece for me- I saw this project as a challenge to immerse myself into a piece I didn't immediately feel a resonance with, unlike the rest of our prior plays. Though this challenge seems comically minute compared to the challenges which I have encountered along my acting journey, I feel this was a large turning point within my career whilst on this course; my resilience has been severely built up, opposed to the beginning of the year, when if I didn't personally connect with a project, I would've avoided it in order to find something more comfortable- this project immediately ripped me from my comfort zone and threw me into the deep end of a text I just didn't initially connect with, especially when so much of my contribution did have that natural connection with the origin pieces, such as the book and films. For example, if I wasn't quite resonant with our latest project before this one, I would've focused my attention to alternative projects, in order to suit myself mentally, rather than my skill set- I was willing during this project to make risks, in order to prove not only to my tutor, yet also to myself that I have grown into a better actor and person because of the teachings of this course. This original issue also raised problems within my mentality towards the project at first- I was hesitant to do research and immerse myself within the world of 19th century Massachusetts, as I feared I would strengthen my doubts in myself, however this was swiftly changed by our first read through if our selected adapted script and I fell in love with one character from description alone; Beth March. What seemed to be portrayed as a childishly naive young girl who has a cruel ending to her small lifespan, really drew my attention; it gave me the connection with the piece I needed to truly push forward and give myself the motivation to commit to an otherwise foreign piece- Beth immediately struck me as the variation I needed within my roles to showcase both extremes of the spectrum of my acting ability- both the innocent and gentle nature of a younger Beth March, perfectly mirrored with the emotionally rife build up to her untimely death most precisely showcases aspects of past characters I have portrayed, such as the emotionally driven 'Amma' from our prior project, and the teasing and immaturity of 'The Wicked Witch of The West'. I am in disbelief still to this day that I have had such a privilege to portray such an iconic character like Beth March on a stage, with how much I resonate with, not particularly her character's physical health, yet rather the way she carries herself and the way she handles the relationships amongst her family; shes highly accepting and will go to any means to keep her picturesque view of her family intact by becoming a people pleaser, all without being overbearing, which, to myself, is an ideal image I wish I could have for myself- suddenly a character inadvertently gave me a glimpse into an optimal reality, where I could immerse myself into a character which is the personification of my ideal person, which severely helped me with motivation to research into her character- I was ecstatic to search for more parts of myself within the character.

  Our triage of an audition process also tested my many lessons learnt from the duration of the year- including my usual struggle of confidence when actually auditioning, however the complexity and length of the process certainly brought many challenges for myself to overcome, including drafting my first interpretation of Beth March- a character I had little information about prior to the project, despite her and her sisters being cult classic staples in romantic literature; this character not only the various interpretation and research surrounding her, much like The Wicked Witch, she- to me, at the very least- was a whole new persona to craft with my bare hands such as Amma, and even my first role of my journey; 'Mrs Chadwick' of the Ghost Light Tour, which certainly stood as a testament to my progress throughout the year. Some segments of our audition process allowed for certain skills to shine through in comparison to other sections; our second installment of our auditions led to us writing a monologue within the perspective of our character- which not only required thinking in an entirely new perspective to create your own interpretation of the frameworks of a character, such as our character development of our Connections characters- Amma- yet also drew into the idea of improvising a monologue from the characters mind (improvising was one of the first skills we began to hone at the beginning of our course- especially with the nature of the Ghost Light Tour being an immersive piece). In addition to the extended autidioton process in severe contrast to the length of our prior auditions, I also added a vast amount more of pressure on myself by auditioning not only for Beth, but also for Jo March- the protagonist; though seeming trivial reflecting on this notion at this current moment, I held myself to such a perfectionist standard, that I felt with the eize of my major roles this year that, stupidly, I assumed that the only way to stretch myself further was to endorse in the idea of being the most centric character; despite my lack of interest within the character past a very shallow level of admiring Jo's feminist juste views on the 19th century world. In spite of this, after my final audition for Jo March, I became vocal on my perfectionist ideologies shaping my primary motivation towards my 'interest' in the role- which reformed one of my earlier lessons within the year with our adaptation of 'The Wizard of Oz'- my perfectionist tendencies began to override who I truly was an actor whilst working on the character of The Wicked Witch, which began to butcher the overall quality of my performance; this certain experience has solidified the notion of the false ideology of 'perfection'- I could progress without taking the part with the most lines, since learning lines isn't an area which I feel needs stretching, whilst now evaluating my latter choices. Via my maturity in handling these challenges within this segment of the process of the show, I believe I was able to clearly demonstrate my progress just by this process alone- though it was the most linear form of progression throughout this unit. 

  Fluctuation began to occur once I had already been privileged enough to acquire the role; my journey began to illustrate the struggle this project would present me, in order to show my progression as an actor- many tribulations began to appear once I was told my assigned cast for this project- all three girls I was combined with threw me put of my comfort zone- more so than our Connections chemistry; it proved much more of a challenge since I was aware that Beth would have a much more involved role within the chemistry as a sister rather than Amma, who was simply a smaller friend within a group of friends with larger personalities- despite the talent of all three actors involved, I originally suspected the collaboration would be difficult to execute, either our clashing personalities within the real world- I had only worked with one of the other girls before- Millie- which I suppose eased me into the transition much more smoothly; in spite of this, I still saw this as my main concern for the onset of rehearsals. Both Sophia and Phoebe- the actresses portraying Meg March and Amy March respectively- had much more abrasive and headstrong personalities outside of their characters, which became highly apparent when opening night began to close in, and the mental strain on all actors involved became strikingly apparent- stunting our collaborative efforts as they began to take much more control than necessary. In addition to this strenuous contrast of personalities, I began to fracture mentally and began to disconnect from the world of Little Women, due to the stresses of other ongoing projects- such as the feature films especially- when I was taken out of crucial rehearsals in order to film as an extra within a selection of short films; in contrast to my audition, it seemed the link with myself and Beth March had began to wear thin as my patience had, which caused myself to re-knit my love for this spectacle of a character together- I used the resilience from my lessons whilst juggling multiple projects at once prior to this play (Connections) and attempted to put habits which I implemented into my routine to increase my time management, such as creating a personal goal timetable, giving myself an allocated time to dedicate to 'Little Women', the 'End of Year films' and 'The Last Resort', so that I wouldn't burn myself out mentally, and negatively affect not only my own performance, yet also my peers by having s weaker actor as a counterpart to star opposite to. Despite my efforts, I still found moments when past bad habits crept in and altered my performance for the worse, mostly due to letting my personal qualms interfere with my acting career, which- I admit- is highly unprofessional and one of my many targets I have not yet 'perfected'- consistency within my attitude whilst acting. My main frustrations came from feedback given by my tutor- not for the feedback itself pe say (I understand the need for feedback and how it has benefited me on the past, and will continue to enhance my abilities in the future and forevermore), yet the frustration comes rooted at myself- especially when I am so unfamiliar with the piece initially but still sensing my performance was lacking; a strange feeling in which I already sense what fell short within my performance, which ensues a feeling of disappointment in myself- I am aware that realising my flaws within a performance is half of the improvement tackled, however it still feels deep within me that I didn't try hard enough, if I am able to pinpoint my mistakes, then why did I still make it, especially if it was something trivial? 

  Our actual performance on opening night was not without many complications practically; I believe, despite our numerous rehearsals in our typical classroom, many problems had arisen simply with the change of space into our college's amphitheatre- both me and my castmates initially struggled slotting into the larger space of the theatre, which severely swayed our confidence, especially within later scenes, such as those in Act Two, when blunders within our mannerisms could not be put down the the childish whimsical of our characters, even for Beth, who- in technicality- never gets an opportunity to grow up within the play. In spite of this, using the resilience which had been reaffirmed inside of me due to the turbulent nature of our rehearsals, we began to adjust quite swiftly into our nee surroundings and started to build the affirmation that our new surroundings were not the theatre, yet in fact; the March household, which helped us immerse ourselves into the world, and subsequently- the characters, and their chemistries with one another: suddenly, collaboration was fabricated into our performance in such a natural matter by simply using our set to delve into the mindset further than we have ever been able to. For our actual performance, we displayed a very naturalistic and homely environment, complimented by our connection between the characters, including castmates familiar and otherwise- especially throughout the majority of Act One; Scene Twelve derailed the immersion slightly by a blunder based on cues being missed by our Laurie, however we were able to swiftly get back on track and continue in a professional manner- once again demonstrating my improvement of my skill in improvisation honed from the very beginning of the year due to my involvement in the 'Ghost Light Tour'- which shows a very cyclical progression from the beginning to the end of the first chapter of my journey in a very simplistic way. Rapidly moving into Act Two, more derailment ensued- including me missing one of my cues; ironically, I was so engulfed in my character that I forgot she spoke- since I felt the line she would've spoken seemed unnatural to slip out of Beth, as it regarded Laurie- a character she barely interacts with or discusses, in comparison to characters such as Jo and Amy (this did throw another pair off of their cue line, however they were able to take initiative and carry on with a slight touch of adlib to make up for my mistake), however I feel this minor error was all but made up for with the overall arching presence of my remained time on stage as Beth March- a highlight being the scene in which she perishes. Though I have met my demise on stage before, with 'The Wicked Witch' being melted via water, never before have I tackled the subject of death so upfront and seriously in the same stroke; Amma is arguably suicidal through the sheer way her characters coping mechanisms are portrayed, however it is never  explicitly stated; Beth March's death will always be a staple within my acting journey- no matter how much my skills will improve from this point onwards, in that moment, I finally felt the completion of my journey for this year: the moment which I had been waiting to deliver actually brought tears to audience members eyes. Despite my disappointment in my inability to actually produce tears, which stole some of the immersion for myself- it's undeniable that my impact amongst the audience is not a feat to admire in of itself, not even referring to the emotions being fully felt by even actors onstage; "Your scene was so visceral with Millie (Jo), that I actually started to cry onstage, which coincidentally helped boost the presence of my next scene when I mourned your death as Amy.". It truly was moments like that when I honestly reflect and learn the most on my performance- and, ultimately, how I get to see that the imperfections within my performance make it unique to myself, and- ironically enough- makes the performance more raw, natural, and- in my eyes; perfect. 

  As an overall thesis of my journey this year, I feel it's important to note in how far I've come within my mental state towards acting; what shifted from a far off dream has been demonstrated to me in this past year as something that can be acquired with the proper training and development; though this years moments have been hinted with both dull moments, such as back to back rehearsals of the same scene numerous times, so that the original charm of the scene begins to dwindle with the interest of the cast, to the full moments, such as bowing at the end of a successful production of any kind amongst your equally deserving classmates and cast mates. Though this project hasn't been a linear jump from point A to point B, it certainly was a landmark within my acting career, as has every role in every show I have had the privilege to work on; for example, my first ever role- it seems so recent, yet technologically I have leapt so much further than time has passed in terms of progress- my biggest flaw and worry when executing 'Mrs Chadwick' was nothing to do with the practicality of the role, yet rather the fear of disappointing everyone who paid to see me with an underwhelming performance, once again showcasing my perfectionist tendencies which- although they still lurk- have been suppressed by the knowledge of practical and emotional lessons via the support of my tutor and my classmates- I would neither be the person nor the actor I am today without the continued support, feedback, and lessons we share amongst each other. In spite of my low self esteem, even still present to this day, moemhst such as this performance, past performances, and performances to come, remind me of why I set out on this journey in the first place; to better the world around me with my artistic form of my opinions- and it's not only myself who shares this view; "You have been a strong actor and somehow got better throughout your journey from beginning to end. You are fun to work with- and your confidence has improved drastically from Wizard of Oz to now, especially." There have been aspects of acting which I have vocally not enjoyed as much as others- such as my brief and underwhelming encounters with acting for screen, yet perhaps that is my next target; to expand to new horizons and cross more boundaries in the quest to become a fully rounded actor- an actor for both stage and screen.