Evaluation- Peter Pan

   Throughout my career within this course, I have played a stark variety of characters with numerous different ranges of emotions and motivations- however none so can be compared to that of Mrs Darling- the mother of the Darling children throughout Peter Pan; the goals of this performance differ greatly from those before in two major aspects- in ways of motherhood and in ways of intimacy- two challenges that have never been fully addressed in any characters I have ever played- and if they have they have only been surrounded by characters who fit these themes rather than making these themes the main basis of their character. The way these themes manifest into the character of Mrs Darling are the primary drive of her main overarching goal- the care and safety of her children, even into her smaller goals throughout the course of the show, such as prolonging going out to evening dinner and also mourning the loss of her children- which in turn is a heavy topic to carry for such a lighthearted play aimed at children to watch- which left me an additional challenge of portraying this moment with enough depth that it would still have the hard hitting impact of dismay to the audience, whilst also not making it too deep, better yet, not too melodramatic to the point of non-seriousness- which in turn I believed I played off quite well, for the material written into the script- the nature of the script meant that it would be nonsensical to play too far in either direction, which helped in the challenge of portraying her grief. Overall, I believe I gave Mrs Darling the correct tone throughout the piece,which constantly shifted with her goals, however I heavily struggled with maintaining the immersion for myself with such the long berks between my scenes- it felt with such the stark mental shift Mrs Darling does between the scenes in which the audience sees her, along with the physical time gap, it was almost impossible to feel that I was playing the same character- it felt as though I had immersed myself into a different person than I had in the beginning, which in turn was the goal of this character, however this felt wholly unnatural- perhaps due to myself never fully experiencing thew loss of a child before personally; I understood the premise on a basic level, and although I accomplished this in the end, I highly struggled to fully connect with this aspect of her character because of this emotional roadblock.

  Vocally, I believe my performance suffered-not in a way that my vocals were necessarily lacking, but in a way that how that song went for me in those first moments of the play determined my mental state and outlook for the rest pf the performance- a great improvement which needs to be made to myself, not only as an actor, but also as a person. In spite of this, I am under the impression, from peer review and logical self evaluation, that my vocals very well suited the character; not only was the typical 1900s Received Pronunciation kept clearly throughout the vocal work, along with clear diction and well supported volume- but also the vocals of my interpretation of Mrs Darling, in the words of my peer and actress portraying Nana the Dog, Sophia, stated "You were very consistent in your performance vocally. Every night you hit all the notes, and led the song beautifully." . A similar notion was set in regards to my physicality and movement throughout the performance- another aspect of character which I still believe is one of my overarching goals of this year (to truly bring forward the physical aspects of my character in a performance, especially using the entirety of my body, not just my face). Whilst the character of Mrs Mary Darling isn't inherently physical as other roles within the play, I still believe she brought me closer to my end of year target for progression; I believe I utilised the space in a highly professional way, leading the different casts that I navigated the scenes with through the choreography of our opening number 'The Darlings'; although movement is a heavily lacking aspect of my acting portfolio, I believe this performance is an exemplary show of how I can still pull through a movement sequence without dragging my feet (in a literal sense and a metaphorical one), and it truly shows massive bounds of progress from past shows, particularly my past Christmas show- where I feel my physicality was heavily underutilised. Sophia once again commented on my physicality: "Your stage presence is overwhelming, because of that, along with that you had to do it every night, you commanded the stage, especially the opening scene.". Physicality, to me- at this point as an actor- is slowly becoming all the more integral to my performances; for example, the quickest way for me to form a character is to walk as that character- it automatically slips me into that mindset, as no two of my characters should ever walk the same- for example, I gave Mrs Darling a more poised yet soft walk, almost as if she glides on air (this walk cycle immediately gives me the tenancies to act more like a gentle, firm yet fair, and graceful woman and mother).

  Another grave challenge for this performance was the intimate connection- not only does Mrs Darling have a formidable husband- aptly named Mr Darling- she also mothers three children, of course being Wendy, John and Michael Darling, which is a new stretch within my acting career- I had, up until the time that the play was performed, never played a character who had either been in a romantic entanglement nor a motherly figure- my closest challenge has been sisterly connections within the play 'Little Women', however, this initially posed a large portion of concern for me. In spite of this, I believe I was able to provide the audience with a performance that they could construe as a fictional yet believable relationship- I believe my next goal is to be able to form these connections whilst on stage in a less caricatured way; for example the Darlings family is just that- a caricature of a typical early 1900s British middle-upper class family. In spite of this fact, I believe with the material provided within the script, that the performance was highly believe in detriment to that, as well as in detriment of my skill level as an actor in this particular quadrant of acting. I believe this is the part that had the most progress from the rehearsal process up until the final polished stage performance- some pairings, especially for Mr Darling, were a testament to my strength as an actor, I truly felt a strain on my actual relationships with those within the class as a result of the frustration that trying to develop that relationship within the scenes we were in together- during rehearsals there complications a many within the short scene (people not knowing their lines, especially close to the deadline of the show, being preoccupied with other sections of the script which left them absent from the rehearsal). To say it was a harmonious group dynamic throughout would be untruthful- however this extensive part of the process has taught me moving forward strategies to keep as stable of a dynamic as possible- patience, understanding and guidance throughout the scene. Not one person within the opening scenes was as entangled with the scene as me- every other character had another scene more important to their character later on, but that doesn't mean that any one of those people within the scene should be left behind; I would gently guide those with blocking during the opening number, would lead the actresses playing Nana through the scene physically when leading her around the stage- physically getting those connections was the most simple part of the process, given Mrs Darling's nature as a character, the gentle guidance worked. However, once we had worked out the qualms of the scene which I mentioned prior as obstacles, the emotional connection became fluid, although I wish, yet again, it came about as more of an intertwined part of the performance, not as a result of the physical action locking into the performance. Overall, although I know the performance was believable from the outside looking in- from an audiences perspective- I struggled and detrimentally failed to feel that connections within my character to the full extent which I had hoped- with all the differing factors, and the differing cast night after night, I felt as though I never got enough time with each cast to truly link with the emotional side of this character, which is a lesson to me to always put relationships on the forefront and not to leave them as an afterthought in my performance, especially when the relations the character has makes up most of the characters story arc.

  My character was fully enhanced by the clothing she wore within the final performance, in multiple ways- not only did it engross me into the character and the world of Peter Pan, it also helped with the physicality of my character. The dress I wore for most performances was a modest yet classy baby blue dress, which has a long and elegant skirt which fully envelops her legs and drapes to the floor, which is stitched with a black lining along the sleeves and gold augmentations along that for a distinguished finish- all of these elements subconsciously adding to my interpretation of the character- for example, the hue of blue used not only symbolises trusting and reliable tenancies within a character, but it can also reference to postpartum depression, or loss of a child, which almost foreshadows when Mrs Darling is under the impression she has lost her children by the end of the play. This is perfectly harmonised with the sparse uses of black within her outfit- not only does this accentuate  the main colour of the dress, harshly contrasting it, which makes the dress all the more bold despite its light colour palette; which is an obvious symbol of loss. In spite of this Mrs Darling still is in control, with this being highlighted by the gold detailing throughout the dress; gold is a symbol of status, wealth, and power- which it seems she has throughout the play- although her husband is a higher class than her, for example, she still commands him, such as condemning him to the dog bed within the nursery as punishment for ultimately getting their children killed; this added to my immersion within the character, and made truly connect within the scene more effectively. This never stood out to me as a key reason my character thrived the way she did onstage, however it took me wearing another dress on a singular evening show to demonstrate to me how important the design and colours of the dress served my character- a deep cherry red dress, with with detailing and lace, partnered with a shorter, more straight cut skirt which reveals her ankles; although the design of this dress was exceptional, it felt out of place for the atmosphere nor the character- red and blue have contrasting meaning, where blue means peace and calming and solemn, red means fiery, lust, aggression and anger; attributes never shown within Mrs Darling- this couples with the white accents, which is associated with purity and life, not only does the outfit clash and dull the atmosphere, it also is so uncharacteristic for Mrs Darling to wear that it almost becomes more difficult to get into the mindset of that character.

To me, the creative liberties I have taken for Mrs Darling changed the entire trajectory of how her character is traditionally perceived- in how her personality has had an almost clean transition from a stuck up traditional emotionally cold woman, to a firm yet fair mother with compassion and love for her children; within traditional renditions, most notably the 1953 animated feature created by Disney, Mrs Darling is barely mentioned- simply a tool to create a regular, caricature of a 1900s family, however, I yearned for more depth within her character- I wanted to see her motherly qualities shine, which the given script allowed for beautifully, within my characters use of sleep talking to command grief, as a singular example. Despite being able to keep her more recognisable stern qualities within the piece, they have been lessened- for example her children are rarely at the other end of her commands, and even then they are presented in such a way that it's easier for her children to accept and understand; shes far more gentle and understanding- a trait which may not be true to the iconic interpretation of the character that actors are expected to follow for a family friendly interpretation such as this play, yet it works within the characters favour to change this. Another layer of development added for this character would definitely be her last appearance within this version of the script, when her grief for her children overtakes her while she sleeps, yet she almost attempts to conceal her true emotions whilst awake- which holds true to the time period and how women of the early 1900s displayed grief; many women after losing multiple children would experience 'acceptance'; which has been historically disproved, and rather replaced with the notion that societal standards condemned them for grieving over an allotted time period, therefore they would become subdued to have a lack of resignation as a result and be forced to continue onwards, only for this grief to be fully explored in the privacy of their own home, alone- which is why the use of sleep-talking is a beautiful means to show this grief- she can only express these true feelings of despair to herself, since she still cares for the role she plays within society, just in case one day her children somehow return- it amazingly demonstrates grief in an easily digestible way for a young audience, and adds a lot of needed humanity to her character.

  In thesis, I believe that this performance has truly broadened my view and range an actor, and whilst it has helped me make significant progress to my goals, there is still a substantial portion to go before I feel I am at a university level- the next prospects I must focus on moving forward is a character who has a focus on physicality; our next upcoming project is about a who has selective mutism, so perhaps my next step forward is to experiment with that script and research differing characters who focus their entire character of physicality rather than words- one prime example being Tinker Bell within this very productions of Peter Pan.